he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
