She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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