there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
