we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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