She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Randomize
