Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
So much rum. So many feels.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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