It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
