I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
