okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
