"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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