man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
