I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize