Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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