I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
