Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
