stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
