They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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