How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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