I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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