Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize