Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
