Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
