this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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