Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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