at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
