They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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