She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
