Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize