As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
