so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
