I hate your face
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize