You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
