i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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