I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
