no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
