If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
