dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Pants 0. Shit 1.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She told me I should be a condom model.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
