What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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