And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize