on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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