Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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