I got her a Nickelback box set.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
