Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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