he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
