my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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