okay pat passed out under dana's car
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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