I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
