Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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