We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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