If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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