Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize