The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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