Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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