You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
