I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
