Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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