are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
