I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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