Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
