The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
