I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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