party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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