Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
