just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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