Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I want to have your abortion
Can Purell be used as lube?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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