i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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