dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
