is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
