glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
