idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
