How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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