Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
two words: eviction party
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
