On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
