He had one of those small greek statue penises
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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