we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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