I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
