Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
