I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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